giving it a second chance...

i wonder if anyone still reads this crap blog of mine... anyhoo I've decided to give it a second chance. I liked the idea of having a place to reflect upon my daily thoughts and activities. soo yay me.. gotta revamp this horrid layout. okay well get on this once i'm done with all my readings for tomorrows class.

-Shirley

HOLA :]! I've been laggin but here's a picture blog <3

HOLA MY BEAUTIFUL BLOGGERS, I HOPE ALL IS WELL IN YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS. I MISSED BLOGGING BUT I HAVE BEEN LAGGING WITH SCHOOL AND WHAT NOT SO I HAVEN'T TAKEN TIME TO BLOG.

HERE ARE PICTURES FROM THE LAST MONTH:

I FINALLY TURNED 21<3 and let me tell you it is different, for serious :]

I THINK I LOVEEEEE LAS VEGAS! HAHA OKAY HERE GOES-




















everything is out of order and i'm still not done uploading pictures, sorry facebook is being weird. but if you want you can add me on fb: shirleyma320@sbcglobal.net and see the rest. or wait til i get it running again.

TOODLES!
-SHIRLEY

reunited and it feels so good.

hello bloggers :]

i haven't blogged in almost a month and alot has occured. i need to update and i will once spring break happens which is next week. but let's just do a short overview:

- march birthdays: my momma, my baby sister, my buddy aubrey, and myself
- getting my stuff together
- going to vegas for 5 days on thursday for my 21st birthday celebration
- paid off 2 credit cards
- getting into make up

okay i have tons of pictures but i will post later. just wanted to say hello hope everyone is well!

struggling to stay afloat in this ocean storm called life...

hey beautiful readers! sorry for the lack of updates lately... just been spending alot of time with the boyfriend trying to get away from the drama at home... ugh so i'm finally home from a 5 day "short vacay" away and things still haven't blown over.. my dad always instigates a problem for my mother and i.. things we're going well today but were abruptly changed when i mentioned i received a ticket a couple weeks ago at school due to parking in the 2hr zone.. if you knew where i went to school you would know the DPT are horrible sharks looking for people to give tickets to and i was a victim..:[ i missed them by 3 minutes and got a $50.00 ticket... so i was going to pay it, but since i have hidden my own credit cards so i wouldn't spend, I asked my father today if he could write a check for me if i would give him the $50.00 in return.. it was fine until he told my mom and distorted the whole situation and i got the verbal lashing, what my mother doesn't see if the struggle i deal with everyday trying to get my sisters to school on time and rushing myself to school to find parking intime for class.. i've tried public transportation but it's really hard when you have to work and get to work in 10 minutes via public transportation. i mean no harm to stress my parents, i've tried to please them in every way possible! but there is no way to that euphoria with them, i've bit my tongue, clinched my tears, held back the tears, and tried to do what they want. but the generational and cultural gap is too strong amongst us. they see myself as a unit... i am part of a larger whole.. but i want to break free and have my own time. where do i find this, i'm so lost. ugh i really don't want to sound like a downer and continue complaining, but i feel like i have no one to turn to.. i'm literally drowning in this sorrow and ruthless wave of anxiety. the only thing keeping me up is the few close friends i have and my wonderful "superman" of a boyfriend.. sometimes I wish I could just leave...

have no clue what to do shirley....

well here are several pictures from the last couple days:

my heart


the attempt to make red velvet cupcakes


the boyfriend's creation pizza... don't ask.. it was yummy actually.

viva la vida <3!

so far my week has been pretty okay :) with the exception that my "egg donor" and i are not on speaking terms >:( .so obviously i had a very grueling weekend and i finally crashed on tuesday... that very morning i could barely wake up let alone speak my sister came to wake me up because i wasn't ready and i told her i was able to drive them or go to school.. she went to tell my mother @ 7:45 and they have school @ 8:30 and egg donor came storming in and pulled off my blankets and said, " wtf why wouldn't you have told me sooner!! what are you stupid or something".. in my head i was thinking wtf... you have 15 minutes to get ready and you don't start til 9:00 you have plenty of time... so she was just talking shit for the whole 15 minutes screaming and yelling at the top of her lungs... i got so annoyed i said eff it.. i'm leaving so i just rolled out of bed in my pjs and took my sisters to school.. as i started to drive i was already upset and ended up yelling at my sisters because i always seem to get into some kind of pot hole which involves them.. i burst into tears and continued driving.. i dropped the two off without saying a word and drove to the bf's house, thankfully i have him to keep me sane. he talked me down from my anger and eventually i fell asleep in his arms... i missed school but i needed the day off. we woke up around noon and headed to ikea so that i may purchase some things for the rest of my room and we spent the afternoon in Emeryville. It was awesome, I felt so much better.. after our long afternoon i drove the bf home and headed home myself.. once i entered the door of my house i knew the "ish was going to hit the fan" in case you didn't know asian mothers are the worst people to piss off because they always like to have the last word and bitch until their satisfied. so right when i walk in she just starts to go at it.. i just go to my room and after 10 minutes of nonstop bickering i got fed up and said " just leave me alone.. obviously you don't care if i was sick..." she replies, " i don't care i don't care! what do you know... you should've told me you didn't feel well earlier!" then i thought in my head.. " wtf do you expect of me i stayed up half the night trying to control my cough and unstoppable runny nose how was i to wake up any earlier!" i said nothing and my dad came in to help place some nails in my wall for my new picture frames and she continued to bitch bitch bitch. i sat there and took in and started tearing up.. i don't know if it was because i was exhausted or really piss, but my dad he understands now because he knows that my sisters hate it when we get screamed at and the only way to make us understand is if you talk to us calmy and he's adapted that philosophy which i totally appreciate him for.. on the other hand my mother is nothing like him she believes a child needs to be discipline through spanking and yelling.. so finally i said, " i may be the oldest, but i can't always fulfill your perfect mold of a chinese daughter.. you expect me to be super woman, but i too have shit to deal with and you just expect me to do whatever you want at any moment... i spend an 40 minutes a day chauffering my sisters and i dont have class for another 1 before that so i get to school and wait for nothing.. sometimes i wish i could just sleep for the extra 30 minutes.. as selfish as it sounds. but i struggle so much to understand the chinese culture where everything is about the loyalty to a family or group as opposed to american cultural perspective where you're supported to be an individual and do your thing.. so yeah then "mom says fine you don't need a car then, you can take the bus from now on!" so she took my car away, whatever i don't mind taking the bus.. so since yesterday i haven't said anything to her. other than that i'm okay because i don't need her negativity bringing me down.
so let's recap what i did today, i had so much fun at school if you can believe that i really do enjoy my mwf classes, best teachers ever :]. so at lunch i met up with my friend aubrey and my boyfriend's friend marcus for lunch, we got caught up on each other's lives and just chilled. i made plans with aubrey to walk our doggies after our classes [ aubrey, marcus, and thee bf have been childhood friends they live in the same neighborhood and were neighborhood kids] so around 2:30 aubrey came and picked chowder and myself up at thee bf's house. we spent 45 minutes at the park watching the doggies run around and play.. it was nice :] ended my day with a nice nap with thee bf and arrived home. i really should be working on my AAS paper for Japanese class. i guess i'll start now, hope everyone else is having a good week! STAY POSITIVE, WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL & GOOD PEOPLE!

-Shirley

the sky is raining love! <3

hola bloggers! happy belated valentine's day.

i hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, since it is president's day weekend.

well i spent thursday, friday, & saturday workin 10+ hours at the flower shop, it wasn't too bad though we had alot of help and it was fun seeing all my co-workers :]

the boyfriend really amazes me with his creativity and consideration, i really must admit that i do not give him enough credit, this valentine's day he really showed me how much he really listens and takes in all the things i enjoy, look forward to, and aspire to achieve.. so basically valentine's day usually means no dinner reservations b/c i work the flower shop til late on the actual date and never have a precise time to get off. but this year the bf asked my boss to allow me to get off a bit earlier and he made dinner reservations at Houlihans . it was really nice, I had the stuffed chicken and my bub had the 9oz prime cut steak.. it was laid back and we had the valentine's special which was an awesome price because if we had purchased everything included in our package it would be $200+ so it was awesome especially in this depressing economy. :] afterwards the bf had previously booked a suite for us and he even showered my walkway with rose petals all the way to the bed where he made a beautiful collage of pictures from our past and present ventures and memories.. i really didn't know what to say it was pure ROMANCE!

I felt as if we were in a movie... it was surreal..

oh and he purchased the HELLO KITTY MAC LINE as my Valentine's Day Present, I reserved it without telling anyone but he figured out I went to Macy's and actually purchased it for me :] I really don't know what to say, but this whole thinking more positive thing is working for me and I love that things that I want are

slowly coming to me.. Life is changing for the better! and I super excited that my birthday is coming up. VEGAS HERE I COME!
well, i'm ending the blog with some pictures frm my weekend. ENJOY!

-Shirley

the rose petals flowed from the very doorway of the living area to the bedroom area

his valentine's day card to me <3>

his words are short and simple, but pack a deep punch to the heart.

he's so cute all dressed up <3

so i forgot to take a picture when it arrived at our table, so when we were almost finished i remembered! lol

hella cute! he's my cheesy poo

he was impatient, and wanted to eat. i skipped our soups and salad because everyone knows what that would probably look like.

my stuffed chicken and mashed potatoes. super yummy <3

creme brulee and chocolate lava cake with ice cream!

white chocolate dipped strawberries, the waiter gave us an extra surprise :]

scattered thoughts...

so I haven't updated lately.. just too much going on. My family's been remodeling the house and everything is chaos! Other than that I have just been dealing with my mother's drama. I really feel like I just want to move out, I mean seriously a person can only take so much of another's constant criticism, bitching, and verbal abuse. From the earliest years of my life all I can remember of my childhood with my mother is her constant verbal abuse.. ugh on the surface our family appears to be the happiest.. but really so much shit goes on between my mother and i.. ONE for the fact that I am nothing like a CHINESE DAUGHTER should be IN HER EYES.. GOD I WISH SHE WASN'T SO NARROW MINDED... we're not in fucking early 1950s CHINA.. ugh I seriously need some therapy because of this effin lady.. I seriously try to make it work with her even my sisters see I make effort, but all I receive in return is everything negative I really can't take this anymore.. any advice? SOMEONE...

-shirley

each day gets better...

hola bloggers :] i hope everyone is having a good week so far... so what's new? nothing for me really, but my poppa did get me a new laptop <3>

SUNDAY: SUPERBOWL... boo i fell asleep half way.. well either team is whatever to me since I am not a crazy football fan, but the boyfriend is not too happy since he is a 49er fan.. he said something about we need to catch up to the Steelers & then some.. anyhoo afterwards several of his friends & i went out to dinner for his belated birthday dinner with friends.. we went to this place called " Cleo's Brazillian Steakhouse" it's pretty yummy, you basically go to the hot buffet for sides & a few servers come along with literally swords of meat & you chose what you want. lol had that for a while & finally when dinner came to an end I had FLAN! for the very first time, it is amazing i tell you! lol and according to one of the girlfriend's also my gal pal Liz, fillipino flan is bomb so i'm on the hunt! we also had tiramisu, which was a orgasm in the mouth! lol. the night ended with a nice stroll @ the piers with the bf, and i went home to face reality a.k.a. going home to do hw for school.

MONDAY: had class.. pretty interesting! i love my MWF classes. anyways had lunch after class with thee bf, got dropped off and went to pick up KIM, my long lost friend. we were friends but i never understood why we lost contact...but she sent a message over FB during the holidays and we have reconnected. so we went out to Target, did some shopping at the Serramonte Mall, then we headed off to Party City, and finally had dinner at Kim's choice, Chevy's. it was okay i guess. After dinner we went to Stonestown and walked around, Kim got some jeans @ Gap and we headed home. got home and did some reading and hung out with thee sisters.

TUESDAY: so my afternoon class got cancelled & the bf and i were late to our first class, and the teacher's policy is no TARDINESS.. so we ended up going shopping.. :X i feel guilty since the economy is so horrible, but i just couldn't help it.. i got the bf two shirts & myself a pair of denim skinnys, two beautiful crochet tops & a smoothie from surf city <333>

here are some pictures to recap:

[ this is not us, but this is what we had on Sunday night]

[the computer i got]

[l-r: babe, kim, me this is from kim's 20th birthday, which was 2 years ago...]

[ our doggie chowder]

[ his keys]

[babe & myself]

myself: up close & personal

[us being silly]

chowder & myself :]

[ my family during chinese new year week<3:>

bottom l-r: myself, my baby sister selena, & my younger sister stella]

-shirley